While I would love to comment on the goings on ashore, these five days surrounded by nothing but salt water limit my access to the endless mainland monkeyshines. I will tell you that my status on the ship is a hybrid of crew and passenger — meaning, I can walk through all the forbidden doors on the ship and mingle with some 1100, mostly Filipino crewman. Equally, I can do as the mainstream passengers do, with some further benefits. To this end, I can hang out in the crew lounge, tucked center ship forward. As you can well imagine, cruise ships are impeccably well-maintained, reminding one of a buoyant Disney World. All needs are amply met before they are discovered. In fact, the word ample best says it all. As I said in the atrium lounge, protected from 41° sleeting drizzle, I’m enjoying the Chopin-like playing of the Argentinian pianist. Not only is he a genetic miracle from a visual standpoint, but his musical talents only enhance the visual spectacle he presents. This juxtaposed to constant feelings of nausea as the ship lurches side to side creates an odd sensation — possibly similar to a full body orgasm during waterboarding.

In front of me sits a grunty older woman clutching a meaty hardback book authored by Karl Rove. From my perspective, I can see Rove’s paunchy puss grinning across the black and white cover. It’s probably worth noting again that Fox news Channel (note the word “news” is in lowercase here) is ubiquitous across the ship, even transmitting 24 hours a day in the fitness center — a surplus empty space for this crowd.

As I watch with fascination her reading of this book, I note a certain glaze in the eyes, possible sputum dangling from her chin. This is not to say that the old broad has become idiotized by the skillful propaganda administered by the closeted Rove, it is simply to point out that she has seems to have reverted to an australopithecine right before my eyes. I’m fantasizing that she may shape-shift into one of man’s early ancestors, male or female. In this light, her eyebrows seem to connect and I detect a waft of curious pheromones drifting from her perch.

Admittedly, I have not read Rove’s book so I cannot know of the incantations it apparently contains. I would imagine it wrongly accuses Democrats of certain actions

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