Seems the only males with any balls–connected to the US, even in a superficial way–may, indeed, only reside in Iraq. The recent AP report summed it up beautifully: “On a whirlwind trip shrouded in secrecy and marred by dissent, President George W. Bush on Sunday hailed progress in the wars that define his presidency and got a size-10 reminder of his unpopularity when a man hurled two shoes at him during a news conference in Iraq. ‘This is your farewell kiss, you dog!’ shouted the protester in Arabic, later identified as Muntadar al-Zeidi, a correspondent for Al-Baghdadia television, an Iraqi-owned station based in Cairo, Egypt. ‘This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.'”

So, what do you imagine happened to the horrid shoe-slinger who dared not kneel before the king, but instead flung a smelly slipper? An Iraqi blogger and activist now living in Washington, D.C., Jarrar tells us: “Sources in Iraq are telling me Mr. Al-Zeidi was heavily
beaten, then he was put under arrest. His family does not know where he is being detained. Mr. Al-Zeidi will join other tens of thousands of Iraqi prisoners who have been detained for months or years with no charges, no trial, and no access to lawyers.”

For some odd reason, people overseas seem to have a problem with being tortured, bloodied, “disappeared”, raped, mutilated, humiliated, and sexually assaulted at the pleasure of George W. Bush. What ungrateful miscreants not to understand the fundamentals(ism) of Anglo-American Manifest Destiny. While the remaining influence of the US Constitution prohibits such behavior by a siiting president of the United States, it is because the spirit of that document refers to men and people, only. Quite clearly, the humans across the Middle East fancy themselves to be actual “people” and expect even minimal international standards. This is where they weren’t on the receiving end of disclosure memos from the desk of Mr. Richard Cheney, whom I continue with gladness to call Dick.

Much as the Catholic church‘s vetting out of agitators in the 14th and 15th centuries by simply declaring them heretics, the same principle so gorgeously here applies. “Killing” as the Commandment forbids is not killing when somebody is a heretic. Then, it’s just housecleaning. All one has to de is declare someone a heretic or part of a 2 billion-strong world of icky brown people, and this no longer becomes killing based on our convenient declaration of heretic or more modernly, “terrorist” or “kinda terroristic”… or more gentilely: Eye-Rackie.

Much like real people over here do, dozens of prominent Iraqi political and tribal leaders called Al-Baghdadia TV station where Mr. Al-Zeidi works and expressed their support and compassion. Al-Baghdadia has issued a statement asking for the release of Mr. Al-Zeidi. Blogger, D.C., Jarrar, adds: “I have started an online petition to ask for the immediate release of Mr. l-Zeidi. Journalists Without Boarders did issue a statement last year condemning the kidnapping of the same Mr. Al-Zeidi. He was apparently kidnapped for three days before being released.”

Kidnapping Americans is repugnant and illegal. But thankfully, the shoe-slinger is not the kind of chap we’d see sailing into the yacht club in Kennebunkport, and therefore, can be casually exempted from the law that governs regular people with blond hair and blue eyes, like you and me. At least for your sake, I hope you have blond hair and blue eyes and are Episcopalian, too.