BREAKING: Last night before midnight, I received a call from one of the Occupy organizers reporting that the OCCUPY LA movement was to be purged by the LAPD imminently, by order of the mayor. (Note: the balance of LA’s “Occupiers” are foreclosed, formerly middle class, now homeless white Americans).
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Kim Kardashian. 75th anniversary of the Los Angeles Mission serving Thanksgiving dinner to the homeless, (From the Kim Kardashian Gallery)

Mayor Antonio Villagairosa, while celebrating his personal financial and social abundance–displaying the latter amidst the fleshy bosoms of Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Love Hewett–ordered the removal of the homeless from the lawn of City Hall while simultaneously photo-opping a Thanksgiving event to show he and his celeb friends performing their annual hand-feeding of the homeless.

Feeding the homeless on camera while purging them off-camera is a strategic ploy worthy only of Chicago’s former Mayor Daley.

The plan?  All “occupiers” must be off city property by midnight Sunday Nov. 28 (12:01 am, Monday morning), when City Hall will be declared a “City Park”.  America’s newest park will now have posted hours of “operation”–before and after which, police will be authorized to arrest the same citizen-owners of this new mud-clotted, cracked-cement encircled park. While the National Park Service seems unaware that Mayor Villaraigosa is inventing patchwork parks to un-park America’s newest breed of homeless, the political chicanery is not lost on irony.  In smart politics, Mr. Villagairosa has declared the several flights of Spring Street sidewalk steps occupiable.  In this way, Angelinos can fit side-by-side, teetering precariously on cement steps, Cirque de Soleil-style.

Will this mean that the Mayor will declare vast swaths of crumbling Downtown LA as beauteous “city parks”, thereby barring over 30,000 permanent homeless residents? His argument for parkifying City Hall is for health reasons; ie, smelly armpits, tinkling in bushes, and the general coarseness of its occupants. That said, he therefore must Gerrymander entire city blocks to flush the double armpits of 30,000+ hairy-legged, poopy-panted, unwashed forgotten folk–unworthy of dress-up time with the Kardashians and violating the Mayor’s scrupulous health standards which have contributed to the litter-strewn wasteland that is the current downtown paradise.

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